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The 'Girls On Top Vol. 1' compilation featuring The Twots was released on November 13, 2007 on Roach Coach Records and is available on Interpunk.com here.
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One fine day we was all sitting round Subpoena Skip's gaff drinking a fair few bevvies, smoking an awful lot o fags and listening to X-Ray Spex. Filthy is upstairs releasing a choclate hostage and all of a sudden he comes running down the apples and pears and comes out with this hair-brained scheme of startin a band. What do you know guv, next minute we're in the rehearsal studios drinkin a few more Britneys. Now, by 6:00 we was completely Elephant's Trunk and we had five lovely ditties down. Sorted, innit mate. All of a sudden I remembers that the Stork Club is avin an open mic night. So I calls em on the dog and bone, don't I. They ask me if I'm a band and I says "bet your bollocks to a barn dance we are". Then they asks me what we're called and I think "bloody ell, fucked if I know!" So we ave a quick think and all we can come up with in our condition is The Twots. And there you go mate, The Twots were born.
Half an hour later we arrive at the Uri Geller. The boys unpack the gear whilst I get on the dog and bone to invite a few mates so we ave an audience. Filthy Bitch comes over a bit Peter Purvis as ees ad a bit o bovver there before with some shaved head chappies. The guvenor objected at the time so Filthy decides to go undercover. Now I ain't sayin his disguise was crap but it consisted of some white sunglasses and a strip of duct tape over his nose. What a muppet. Beaver Rita decides to join in and puts duct tape over his Bruce Lees. We steamed through the set all seventy-seven like. Totally raw and a bit Barbeque Pit to be honest. The set lasts about 8 minutes and towards the end all our mates turn up so we think bollocks, we'll do it again. There's a few birds in the crowd in busted sofas drinking bitch piss. They seemed to like it. Towards the end of the second set I clock the owner looking at Filthy. He looks like someone took the jam out of his doughnut. As we pack up the gear to leave and hop on our beer scooter home the owner is in the street waving his fist at Filthy. We broke up half an hour later. Then we got back together again in July and what do you know mate, we're ready to wreak more havoc in the East Bay and beyond. Nice One.
Cheers wankers...
-Boozy Suzy
Boozy Suzy's Rhyming Slang Dictionary:gaff = house/apartment
bevvies = alcholic beverages
fags = cigarettes
releasing a choclate hostage = taking a shit
apples and pears = stairs
Britneys = Britney Spears = beers
Elephant's Trunk = drunk
ditties = songs
Sorted = taken care of
dog and bone = telephone
bet your bollocks to a barn dance = bet your life or bet your ass
Uri Geller = Fork Rub = Stork Club
Peter Purvis = nervous
bovver = bother
muppet = an idiot
Bruce Lees = erect nipples (as in a pair of hard 'nips').
Barbeque Pit = shit
birds = chicks
busted sofas = an excellent term for an overweight woman wearing a tight dress/trousers.
bitch piss = 'girlie' drinks, i.e. vodka coolers and other alcopops. "What's that bitch piss you're drinking, get a pint dahn yer".
clock = to see / be seen. e.g. "Shit, we've been clocked !".
took the jam out of his doughnut = rained on his parade
beer scooter = the ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it, i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have got the beer scooter".
