TOUR DIARY: Saturday, September 11, 2004 day 1 Well, the legend started on a quiet sunny morning on the first of september, all the gang arranged to meet at supoena skips pad at 10 am. Naturally everyone was hours late, first on the the scene was Sam, then one by one the motley crew showed up. by 11am id started the breakfast of champions. By 1pm everyone had showed up. we packed up the two space ships, the haskells van (nicknamed the adavan) and supoena's truck, cast list.... adavan..rich, cutty, josh,bones,ange....... supoena's truck... me , seb, sam and roger the dodger. we drove off to the best sountrack ...the clash of course! we arrived in L.A around 9. I had been supping on corrs the whole way , and was feeling gooooooooooooooood. unfortunately we got a bit lost on the way to the first club ,and ended up in east L.A somewhere. Seb goes to make a turn and nearlly knocks a traffic cop off his bike...oops...NOT GOOD. Well, he didn't really knock him off , but made him wobble a bit.... THAT pissed him off!!! almost got a ticket , but subpoena managed to charm him , of course he did... he's a twot through and through!!! by the time we arrive at the club, i'm so bloody hot , i'm a brit afterall, L.A is way too hot for me mate!i get changed in the loo. its so hot i just slick me hair back and bung on a mini, cami top and stockings and garter belt. the first band play, and they're great. other small problem is that due to probably talking so much shit and shouting on the way there, i seem to have slightly lost my voice, bugger! anyhoo, show must go on , i don't seem to have a problem talkin, in fact filthy bitch tells me to shut the fuck up mid set!!! then the haskells come on, cutty gets up on a table , and falls off . completely cutting his leg open, luckily through the set id been chatted up by this old ex punk rocker who is by a stroke of luck a paramedic, well, whaddya know!!! so we all trot off to his gaff and he gives cutty a few lovely stitches while we all get drunk, filthy and josh bugger off to another party and i start getting a little nervous cos mr. paramedic gets a bit frisky, i think he might want to remove my knickers! so it takes me about 2 hours to persuade everyone to go to the other party , it takes forever to get there, and by the time we do its 5 am , and everyones done , i fall asleep in between filthy and roger in the back of the haskell van about 5.30 am. and thats day one! Tuesday, September 14, 2004 day 2 part 1 I wake up about 7.30 am in the back of the van in L.A , cos A. the bloody sun is streaming through the van windows and.. B. Filthy rich has just gone ... 'Arrrrrrrrrrgh get off me ..' and jabbed me in the hip with his elbow in his sleep. Time to get up then , i think , 2 hours sleep, not bad. plus I need to get in the shower before all those hairy fools beat me to it... I take a lovely long shower then settle myself on the porch to do my nails and take in the view. I can see mountain things and blue sky. my spirits rise.... I wake up Roger and tell him he should get a shower too....not that he stinks or nuffink!! Roger comes out of the shower and we shoot the shit on the balcony for a bit then i suddenly look up to see this short old lady, mouth pursed up like a cats arse, shaking her head at us...."Can we help you?' I say. "I", she says dramatically. "am the landlady" . She calls us filth, shakes her head for about 10 minutes , then buggers off. nice. Roger and I wake up rich and we go off on a little jaunt in the van , to get coffeee, breakfast, buy stupid crap, that kinda thing.We stop at the Jack in the box drive in to get some breakfast, but unfortunately due to the roof rack getting stuck in the fucker, Rich has to jump up on the roof of the van and hold down the roof rack while roger tries to back out , I was trying real hard to be helpful, but was too busy laughing at richie on the roof with no shoes on and his skinny little hairy legs , he he he he. It takes us forever to wake everyone up and locate people , get em in the shower. Rich calls Seb who is in long beach with Emily and Sam , sanding down a dresser! (what? i know...ha ha) We finally hit the road with Adam in his Black van , it looks like a stalkers van , it totally reminds me of that movie prom night with jamie lee curtis. So, theres Roger, me , cutty and rich in the van.We already started drinkin at about 11 am , so cutty and I have that lovely beer buzz you get about mid day when u drink in the afternoon , yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, But then. I wont go into details , too personal , but i get a little bit pissed off at richie. Tuesday, September 14, 2004 day 2 part 2 I am sitting in the back of the van drinkin, getting more and more like Oliver Reed every minute.. the boys stop off at the beach , Adam writes up a sign trying to sell his surfboard, while I drink....and fume.... We arrive at the next venue, which looks suspiciously like a bingo hall in Newcastle to me . but whatever...then i see a sherriff car and i think , oh ok i'm in America ... we get out and Roger and I sit in an alley drinking more , we take pictures of each other, cos were so trashed its funny (you will get to see em soon on our website) www.thetwots.com. I decide to take a wander into the venue , i'm wearing flip flops , a addidas tennis skirt, and rogers leather jacket. i hop up on the bar and theres this fabulous older blonde woman , we talk for a while and completely see eye to eye!! i nip outside to see where the boys are and cant find em , when i go back inside i look for my new friend , but cant find her. when i ask em at the bar they say , oh she probably passed out, shes the local drunk dontcha know. oh i geddit, no wonder we saw eye to eye. ha ha ha . i cant actually remember getting changed, but i must have at some point cos i ended up wearing black fishnets with neon pink knickers over the top with the twots written across my ass in sharpie pen,(these knickers now reside at the double down saloon in vegas...more of that later..)unfortunately my voice has got worse by now and i almost lost it. so i drink half a bottle of chloroseptic. prob. not a good idea with the 200 beers i drunk , but , whatever. I go over to offer Rich his drink tickets and he goes ..."WHAT!' HHMMM . more fuming. the show goes good and both us and the haskies kick ass, but the crowd is small. I leave the club completely annihilated, and crumple into a corner about to pass out , then i see rich from the corner of my eye... and my little fists tighten....................ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Tuesday, September 14, 2004 day 2 part 3 I decide in my drunken condition that I want to slap Rich across the face. I have never done this before, but I think it would be cool , and VERY dramatic, so I go over and cant bring myself to do it, instead I call him a bunch of names, he looks all like "whatever" and turns his back on me...so i punch him and run at him fists flying...he says" keep this crazy bitch off me.." a couple of people pull me off, so I go , ok,ok. then i see a traffic cone and decide i'm gonna beat the shit out of him with it , luckily my brain kicks back into gear, and I realise how stupid it all is....I run off in the parking lot in tears, cutty takes me away and is a real good friend , i come back to find my purse, and then get upset again and run off , still in neon pink knickers and blk fishnets....Seb comes running after me and he's all..."Sue. you cant be running around in San Diego in yer underwear, you'll get arrested!!!!". I go off with Seb and some of his friends cos everyone wants to keep Filthy and I apart./ So off we go. We end up at sebs friends house and keep on getting drunk. Sebs friend at like 5 am decides he has the master plan of giving us all valium so we go to sleep and shut up, well.... that didn't happen , i dunno what happened , and no-one else does either, but i'm sure someone will remember when we're about 60. we may need counselling when we do remember i'm sure.